Comments for Giving Her All She's Got

Comment on Out of Step by laughingpromises

laughingpromises — Sat, 18 May 2013 23:19:16 +0000

I don’t have any answers for you except to say that you’re not alone. I am with my son all the time, and I still feel like this sometimes. Recently, his sleep patterns have changed (again), and the same questions you were asking yourself are going through my mind each time I have to get him to sleep. I always wonder if I’m doing something wrong, but in the end, I think we have to go with our mothering instincts and trust that God gave them to us for a reason.

Comment on Out of Step by Katie (@overflowinbrain)

Katie (@overflowinbrain) — Sat, 18 May 2013 05:06:51 +0000

I agree with Annabelle- My son and I had major changes at that time and nothing in our schedule changed. It’s the age more than the circumstances, I think.

Warning: sleep assvice ahead. For us, a schedule really helped with sleep and it’s what the lady pushed at our sleep consultation. We use a very simple 2-3-4 schedule. And look, I resisted the schedule for a long time, but I found that Eli doesn’t fight naps anymore since being on the schedule because it’s just become routine now. 2 hours after waking up, he gets put in his room for a nap. I lay him down awake, with a few small toys and several pacifiers, he goes to sleep when he wants. When he wakes up, he’s up for 3 hours, then the same thing. Then he wakes up, is up for 4 hours (sometimes a little less if he sleeps a long time for the second nap) and then it’s bedtime.

The reason I mention the toys is because the toys and the floor bed were really game changers for us. It gives him freedom and independence, but I think it also taught him how to be in charge of his sleep. If he truly isn’t tired, he’ll get out of bed and play for a while. If he is tired, he still might stay up a while, but he stays in bed and lays down much more quickly. When he wakes up at night, he doesn’t cry, he will either grab a toy and play for a bit, or get comfortable and lay back down. He knows his own sleep needs now and meets them.

It likely sounds weird and new agey, but he didn’t sleep through the night until we tried this (at 11 months) and we got it to happen without a single tear, so I’m about the biggest advocate ever.

Whatever you do, you need to let go of the guilt. My guess is that that is the biggest barrier to feeling in rhythm right now. The more you focus on feeling like the screwed up, the bigger the problems feel. If you can let yourself feel okay with doing something that needed to get done, that gave your child the opportunity to interact with other adults and experience new things safely, then you may be able to more quickly reconnect.

Comment on Out of Step by "Annabelle"

"Annabelle" — Sat, 18 May 2013 02:46:55 +0000

Listen to me, those changes and your out of syncness could have and likely would have happened even if your were home. That’s just part of the growing pains. I promise. What works Monday doesn’t work Tuesday no matter who is home for 8 hours.
Speaking of hours. It was hours you were away. Not weeks. You didn’t miss 5 consecutive weeks, please stop punishing yourself.
You are a fantastic mother. The amount of thought, consideration and presence you are giving your daughter is so admirable.
You two will find your new normal but it’s a constant work in progress. You’re not failing, you are excelling.

Comment on Learning without training by Liz

Liz — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 12:55:56 +0000

Thank you for writing this! I completely agree that with all things, you can’t teach a baby something that they are not ready to learn, and that includes sleep skills. I’m so glad that you are turning a corner now!

Comment on What a difference a nanny makes by annabelle

annabelle — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 19:44:11 +0000

That’s really awesome.
I hope that this all helps you to enjoy your going back to work a little more than you were at first. Baby Love sounds like a dear little soul.

Comment on Six reasons to not get an epidural by Eileen

Eileen — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 02:46:00 +0000

Well this comment just made my day :) Thank you for sharing!

Just to clarify, I am absolutely glad epidurals exist, and I think there is nothing wrong with getting one if you want it! My point was only that there’s nothing wrong with not if you don’t. I can say with 100% certainty that if I had been in a hospital, and especially if I had been tied to a bed, I would have had an epidural. I couldn’t have not stopped saying no, I could only manage to not request a transfer. You are amazing and you did what was best for you, your labor, and Little Bit!

Have fun with BLW! I love it a ridiculous amount :D I hope you do, too!

Comment on Six reasons to not get an epidural by Beth

Beth — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 15:58:45 +0000

Hi! Longtime lurker here… I love reading your posts! I just had my first baby in November, and I went into it not wanting to get an epidural. I ended up needing induced due to preeclampsia (thankfully it was at exactly 39 weeks–and I was already in early labor when I went in for that follow-up appointment!–so she wasn’t *too* early), and when I went into the hospital the otherwise sweet and helpful nurses scoffed at the notion of not getting an epidural. They said things along the lines of “Why would you want to go through the pain if you don’t have to?” and “Everyone gets them!” I blew them off (politely). But I was having super-strong cluster contractions even before getting induced, and because of all the meds I was on to try and help with my blood pressure I was stuck in the bed attached to an IV. Everything was happening fast (I had baby girl within 7 hours of being admitted!), but I was having so much trouble catching my breath through the constant pain. No breaks between contractions from the start. I ended up asking for the epidural after other pain meds didn’t even begin to touch it, and honestly I handled the pain better while sitting up getting the epi than I did the rest of the time. They told me to let them know when I was having a contraction, but it wasn’t so they could stop. They just told me to focus on my breathing and hold still through the contraction. With constant contractions I guess it would have been difficult for them to find a good time to stick me, but I felt like that was a hell of a lot of pressure on me. “Hold still or we screw up your spine and it’s your fault.” So I sucked it up and handled it. But it makes me wonder if it was because I had no choice, I had to handle the contractions like a BAMF, or if I was finally able to handle them because I was actually allowed a change of position… I had no negative side effects afterwards, but I was very frustrated when it came time to push because I could feel absolutely nothing. I couldn’t even tell if I WAS pushing, let alone if I was pushing correctly. The doctor said I was doing well, I was doing it right. But I feel like I could have had her out even faster if I had been able to feel what I was doing.

I do and don’t regret getting the epidural. I feel like as long as no other issues crop up if I get pregnant again, I could probably handle it without. I really think I would have been able to go without this time if it wasn’t for the IV meds and fluids keeping me in one spot. Maybe I could have handled it anyway, but I don’t know.

BTW, you’ve inspired me to try baby-led weaning when my Little Bit hits 6-ish months! After I read one of your posts about it and was seriously interested, I started seeing it popping up all over the place. Just thought you might want to know that what you say has an impact on someone out there!

Comment on As if I needed another reason by travelnole

travelnole — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 19:03:44 +0000

I know the feeling of being angry at Baby. And then feeling horrible about it. It does suck. It really sucks. I felt that way a lot the first two or three weeks of my baby’s life and I HATED it!

Comment on Leaving baby by Amelia

Amelia — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 07:11:04 +0000

This is a breath of fresh air. I often read the stories of staying home being not enough, always wanting more, it’s a rarity to read; yes, THIS is exactly where I want to be.
I love it here, I’m glad you do too.

Comment on Scared by travelnole

travelnole — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 05:30:19 +0000

Wow, I think you very well expressed the conflicting emotions that moms who return to work experience. I know I’d feel those things if it were me, especially the fear about her liking the nanny more. Honestly, though, she’s never going to love anyone like she loves her mommy! :)