WW: Reliving a day

No, you know what? I’m staying up and write one more post. Because as I was about to head up to bed, this post at Mommy Drinks Because You Cry (love the name) popped up in my reader (and who are we kidding, I was just going to stay passive-aggressively at my computer anyway) and reminded me of Writer’s Workshop. So I popped over to see what the prompts are. And I want to go to bed on a happy note, dammit. And just thinking of my answer to this prompt made me smile:

1.) If you had to relive a day in your life what day would it be?

What instantly popped into my head was the first day my husband and I kissed.

To back up, we started dating in spite of ourselves. I had a “boyfriend,” one of those everyone-says-you-should-be-dating-and-you-do-after-school-activities-together-so-what-the-heck deals. To clarify, I was finishing my junior year of high school at this point (Yes, I married my high school sweetheart. I really don’t care if common wisdom says that was dumb. He is awesome, and I wasn’t going to break up with him just ’cause we met in high school). Well, this guy was just..nothing. Nice kid, year younger than me, very immature, just..nothing. All of us, the hubby, my boyfriend, and I, along with 20-ish other students, travelled to a national science competition (remember when I said I embraced my nerdiness?). My hubby and I both had failures out of our control in our big events. I was competing in an event where you build a structure as light weight as possible which holds 15 kilograms of weight (about 33 pounds held up by 0.033 pounds in my case). So it was made of lightweight sticks of wood. I built it in the high desert of Boise, the national competition was on the humid East coast; despite all precautions the structure which had successfully worked in Idaho warped visibly and failed at the national competition. My hubby competed in an event where he and a partner built instruments, played them, and took a test on music and sound. Once there he was disqualified by an error the judge made. She thought he was wrong, he knew he was right, you only have one hour to file a protest, and by the time he got out of the event, found the coach, and found the people to report to..hour’s up. They told him he was right later, if that helps.

Not that I’m still sore. :P

Anyway, that evening we were gathered in a common room of the hotel lobby, getting our evening speech from our coach. After it was over, the hubby saw a grand piano. He was upset, so he went over to start playing and vent. I love music, so I went over to listen. At this point I had no interest in him. Zero. He had been obviously crushing on me for the past year plus, being very overt about it at first…right as I was starting to “date” my “boyfriend” (homeschooled until high school, reading social cues and being subtle weren’t strong points, it took awhile to get him to back off). Anyway, I headed over for the music, not the company. I stood by the piano, I listened to him play..and I could just feel all of the hurt and frustration pouring out into the instrument as I took in his music. My hubby is an amazing pianist. He was as a senior in high school, and he is now. He has the ability to listen to something a few times and then sit down and play it. And it is beautiful. What he played touched my soul. I know no other way to describe it. I have never felt music in that way.

I fell in love with him right there.

Of course, I didn’t admit it, not even to myself. I mean, even if I did “like” him now, he was about to graduate in a few weeks and go to college. I was about to leave to spend a summer living in Japan as an exchange student in a couple months. Things could not work out.

But when we got back home, I dumped my then-boyfriend. Not for my hubby. Like I said, I figured that was impossible. But from that time by the piano, and a talk my hubby and I had later that night, I realized that I deserved so much better than I had with that guy. He’s a good guy…but he wasn’t what I needed. He just did nothing for me. So I ended it.

A friendship was formed over that piano. We talked later that night. And then my hubby invited me over to his place to play music. Not that anything happened there, the four younger siblings he had at home at that point kept us in line. Not to mention that I “knew” it couldn’t work and he “knew” he’d blown his chance by being so obvious and awkward and pushy a year prior.  But we hung out and talked and played music and I was happy and relaxed in a way I usually can’t be…even while extremely tense with “boy” stress.

We got together a few more times that summer. I was trying to deny that I was falling in love. Because it could not work out. We were looking at a year apart. And we only had a few weeks to get any base put together for it. Not happening. Not to mention that no one falls in love in high school. It was stupid. It was impractical. It made no sense. But that didn’t stop me from e-mailing him non-stop and IMing with him until late at night. As friends.

A few days before I left, it was my birthday. He got together with a girl friend of mine to take me out and celebrate. He got me a little birthday present, a CD of a group he liked. We hung out and had fun and pretended there was no tension between us. He had set up so that my girl friend would leave before him and we could talk a bit. I remember that we talked sitting on a picnic table outside of a rose garden. Neither of us could quite come up with what to say. I was holding a Styrofoam cup. I remember, because with my nail I carved, “I like you” into the side, or some such sentiment, but just could not get up the nerve to say it out loud or show it to him. He drove me back to my car, saying good bye for what would be the last time before I left for Japan and we probably never physically saw each other again.

And subconsciously or luckily, I forgot my present in his car.

I was upset. I wanted my present. It was from him. I convinced my mom to let us get together once more just so I could pick up my present. My mom was skeptical, probably thinking I’d made the whole thing up. Which was reasonable, but not the case. She let me go.

He drove out to a park near my house and I met him there. We met at parks a lot, because they were public (good Catholic kids) and yet gave us some privacy. We went for a short walk around the perimeter of the tiny park. Part way around, we stopped under a tree to sit and talk, rigidly holding ourselves apart, aware every time a hand brushed an arm or shoulder or leg. And then…suddenly…we were looking in each other’s eyes and he kissed me.

And the world stopped.

It was incredible. And not from any skill of ours. He had never kissed anyone before. I had kissed my previous boyfriend..but honestly, my thoughts were always, “What’s the big deal?” It was just weird. And I always had to kiss him, he never kissed me, which I hated.

But this..this..this was mind blowing. So powerful. So sweet. So deep. It was like time stopped. It was like the entire world went away. It was like nothing else existed except us.

We parted. We smiled. I think I leaned on him a bit. We talked more. We kissed more. Though still very chaste. Remember, very little experience here. He started kissing like most kids do, closed mouth like you’re kissing someone’s cheek, just on the lips. We explored and learned the basics of kissing together. I taught him some, and some we learned together. But even what I “taught” was completely different than what I had ever experienced before.

Too soon I had to go home. I was just supposed to be meeting him to pick up my CD.

I floated all the way.

That night we chatted, and I asked him if we were dating. I knew my dad would ask me, and I wanted to know what to say. I was me, even at that point, so I didn’t want to assume that someone could actually like me without confirming it.

He laughed and said, “Well we just kissed, so I hope so!”

I was in heaven.

That one kiss got us through the months of me being in Japan. No phone, no internet, just old-fashioned snail-mail. We would write letters to eachother every day, and then mail them about once a week. We would relive that afternoon, the power of that kiss, still in awe that such a simple thing could touch us so deeply. We described being together as being in “our place,” where the whole world just disappears. For me, especially, this was incredible. Keep in mind how hyper-vigilant I am about everyone around me. That I could be with him and have no idea of who was near was..mindblowing. It completely rocked my world.

At one point he wrote out the words to “Breathe” by Faith Hill in a letter

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I’ve
Never been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I’m lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

‘Cause I can feel you breathe
It’s washing over me
Suddenly I’m melting into you
There’s nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn’t that the way that love’s supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
I’m closer than I’ve ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There’s no need for words right now

‘Cause I can feel you breathe
It’s washing over me
Suddenly I’m melting into you
There’s nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn’t that the way that love’s supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

They so perfectly described what we had felt. We had no idea such things could be real.

That day also helped get us through the next 9 months with him at college and me still in high school, finishing up my senior year. We had some more days in between my return from Japan and his departure, and a few on his breaks from school or when I visited the college, but not many. My dad was raised in Iran and is very protective, he didn’t even like me dating in college. My mom was worried about me and how quickly and hard I’d fallen for this stranger she’d never heard about. I don’t blame her. But at the time I was just frustrated I couldn’t see him more.

That day helped us through the first year of our relationship, when we were almost always apart.

And even writing about it today, 7 years later, that day is still sustaining and uplifting.

I’m going to go fall asleep smiling now…