Monthly Archives: April 2010

Friday Fatties

OK, I’ve been trying to lose weight for..well…a couple years now. Unfortunately, I like food and being lazy more than I like looking good. At least in the moment the food is in front of my face. mmmm….food.

ANYWAY.

I was over at Christie’s blog and saw this fun smart new meme and figured, if I can sit and wish to myself I lost weight…while absentmindedly eating smarties (this example is from an hour ago, it’s not like such things are rare), clearly what I’m doing isn’t working. Desire isn’t working, feeling fat isn’t working, not having clothes that fit isn’t working…

Maybe some public humiliation will work!

So I bring you: Friday Fatties

Hosted by the newly discovered and hilarious Pamela over at 2 much testosterone.

In short, we post our weight up…and every Friday…post our weight. IN THEORY this will be a string of decreasing numbers. I like theory. It is my friend. We shall see if reality is, too.

So here we go, my 5’4″ (when I stretch) self is…….139.5 pounds.

I know, I know, not that bad…but I used to be in the 120 range. For a long time. And then I got older..and my metabolism slowed…and the weight started creeping up. And now I don’t look like me to myself, and none of my clothes fit, and I hate it! Argh!

On the up side, it is nice to have boobs. When I was skinny they disappeared when I laid on my back. Schloop! back into my chest! I mean, heck, now I can fill an A cup!

Also, to clarify, I have my mom’s body shape (hi, mom!). Aaaaaall of the weight is carried at the waist. So gaining some looks like gaining a lot.

ANYWAY, I would like to get back down into the 120s. Say 125. We won’t go all the way to 120…but 125 is doable. In theory. Again, with the friendly theory.

I will no longer be working as of 1 hour from now (unlike how I am this moment). I shall try to turn that to a healthier lifestyle ASAP. Get in the healthy routine! And then stay there!

*snort*

Anyway, more home cooking what with more time, more going on walks with the dog what with more time/sunlight, more using the very nice (and expensive) elliptical we bought what with it being right in front of the TV and all, more not-sitting-on-my-ass-all day what with the I’m determined…you see how it goes. Going to make something happen, here!

In theory.

Hopefully this will help me get back to a body shape I like (preferably before I end up pregnant and it all goes to hell anyway). Hopefully it will help me sleep better. Hopefully it will help me be less fatigue-y all.the.time. Hopefully.

So go over and play along! Or just leave me a number in the comments. I’m hoping eventually there’s a Mr. Linky for this, ’cause I’d love to follow other people’s progress, and shamelessly beg for encouragement of my own…we’ll see how long I can keep up the posting. Public humiliation worked with the pedometer, though, got me walking! I owe it all to you friendly people in my computer.

And with that, I’m back to organizing everything I’ve done in the past two years, so that other people can find it when I’m gone. *sniff* Last day feels kind of like a funeral, I’m learning how much everyone here likes me. What with both my boss and the head of the company telling me I’m welcome back any time, along with several other managers. Makes it hard to leave when I realize how appreciated I am and how awesome my coworkers are. But I keep reminding myself, this is the right decision.

Don’t mind that ripping sound. It’s just me tearing away a large chunk of my identity.

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This is not easy

I’m leaving my job. And it is the right decision. I have no doubt about that. My husband has noticed a difference in me the past few weeks. A growing difference. There is hope in my eyes. I smile at him. I talk with him, really talk. These are all things that have been missing. Heck, you guys have noticed the difference in the tone of my posts and commented on it! It is right. I’m starting to remember what it’s like to live, instead of just exist.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I always hear people saying, “I wish I could leave my job!” And I feel like I’m getting that silent jealousy/judgement, even though no one has come out and said that to me flat out (or if they have I’ve blocked it). Well, I take that back. I have gotten a lot of “In this economy!?! Dang, wish I could do that,” comments.

And I just want to say to those people: You do not wish you were in my position.

You do not wish that you had spent four painful years killing yourself, taking 24 credits every semester (when a normal load is 12-18), fighting your way through a curriculum taught by apathetic, sexist teachers, spending every summer “break” working at a full time internship in preparation for your future career, only to leave the culmination what you worked for after a mere two years.

You do not wish that having a full-time career, the work of which you love, left you so drained and exhausted that there was nothing more to your life than surviving. Nothing. That the highlight of your day was knowing the day was over. Every. Single. Day.

You do not wish that you can feel yourself destroying your marriage because of how empty your career leaves you, and know that while it will now be better, you still have two years of pain to patch up.

You do not wish that you have a choice between a life of near-constant and sometimes dangerous depression, and leaving the only adult and married way of life you’ve ever known. With nothing exciting on the horizon to look forward to.

You do not wish that you are throwing away half your family’s income for what feels like nothing more than weakness many days, but that despite hating yourself for the weakness you feel like there really is no other right choice.

You do not wish that you are leaving the only people you regularly see socially behind. All of the friends you’ve made as an adult, now reduced to nothing more than facebook friends and the occasional lunch (because they’re still working and busy). No more daily chats with other adults who think like you and have common interests. No more casual teasing and chatter. Of course you’d still be friends…but be realistic. It won’t be the same.

You do not wish that you are giving up a large part of your identity, the career you have used to define yourself proudly for years, to go become a retail clerk, narrowly beating out some high school students for the job.

Yes, I feel lucky that I am able to leave my job. I know that not everyone can. But it is not just luck – sacrifice, hard work, and good planning also make this possible. My husband and I are giving up some of our way of life. We have not been living richly, even while we had a lot of good money coming in what with two engineers working and no children. On that note, we planned to not have children, largely because we wanted to be in a good place financially before we started depleting our funds (and yes, we know it could always be better, we’re not just waiting for “the right time,” but having savings established first has made us much more comfortable). We both worked hard, before, during, and after college to be smart with our money. I applied for well over 100 scholarships for college, and ended up going free-ride. So all the money I’d saved since I was 5 was still mine. He had very few loans and got them paid off ASAP. He worked at a job he hated for a year to keep his foot in the door at a good company. We both knew that at some point, I’d stop work to have children. Because of our working hard for that goal, I can stop earlier than we’d planned, without too much sacrifice. But it is not like the gods just smiled upon us and dumped a bunch of money in our lap. For gods sake, there are 8 children in his family! I realize there is still luck that played in, and we both had a good start in life. I am certainly not saying this is all due to how amazing we are and that fate had no role. I’m just saying that our work, planning, and decisions have helped us get to this point.

I also know that I’m lucky it is a job making me feel this way, and not a kid. There are RAD moms out there who feel like this, but they can’t just leave their kids. I am lucky, and I acknowledge that.

But it’s not just luck. And it’s not a walk in the park.

Saying to me, “I wish I could leave my job!” is kind of like saying to someone in a wheelchair “I wish I could sit down all day!” Not being able to successfully live a normal life is not something I am happy about or proud of.

Anyway, it is the right decision. We can afford it. It will be good for my marriage. It will be good for my health. It will be good in so many ways.

But it is still hard. Very hard.

And when my boss comes up to me and is so wonderful and supportive and tells me to take it easy tomorrow and not worry if I don’t do any work, they’ll handle it, that makes it harder. No one knows exactly why I’m leaving. But they all trust that I am making the right decision for me. And they all support me in that decision, blindly.

This is such a good company.

I wish I was healthy enough to work here and live.

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Writer’s Workshop: Tattoo

I have moved! I am now blogging at The Energizer Mommy. Please come join me there!

Time for another episode of Writer’s Workshop, hosted by the lovely and talented Mama Kat! ::applause::

Here’s the prompt I chose:

4.) The world is going to come to an end unless you get a tattoo that covers your entire back. Describe the tattoo you’ll get.

I chose this prompt because it’s easy. Here’s the tattoo I’d get:

It’s the marque from the Kushiel series. Phedre’s marque. And while I am in no way chosen by Kushiel, having Joscelin would be quite nice…mmmm…

Oh, did I say that aloud? Oops.

Anyway. The marque definitely fits the criteria. It starts at the base of the spine and curls upwards, all the way to the finnial at the base of the neck. Those who serve Naamah earn their marques through patron gifts. The above is the marque from the cover of the books, but it in no way does justice to the delicious description detailed in the book. Phedre’s marque is described as all black, in nice contrast to her pale skin, except where there are little drops of crimson for blood. It is a briar rose wrapping its way up her back to the finnial at the top. Some people get a bit more artistic.

While some stay truer to the image on the cover

But I think they’re all gorgeous. In part, I’ve never been a big tattoo fan, but in this world marques are so beautiful. I’ve heard this one described with so much respect and admiration over and over and it’s really sunk in how ink in your skin can be beautiful, and I think this is a gorgeous representation.

(All of the above tattoos are from here.)

If not that, then maybe something else nerdy, like  , except in cooler font. I mean, come on, is that not the coolest equation you’ve ever seen? All of math’s coolest numbers in one beautiful line. Or maybe a line of binary going down my spine. I have seen a woman who has this (though I can’t find it! grrr…) and it was damn sexy.

How ’bout you? Go to Mama Kat’s to play along, there are even 4 other prompts to pick from if this one doesn’t strike your fancy!

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I am so disappointed…

It’s time for another edition of…

What the hell, Glee??? I am so disappointed with you! I mean, ever since you came back from the break it feels like all you’ve been trying to do is cram as many songs into each episode as possible. It’s like you’re going, what the hell, people will watch, let’s just see how many pathetically thin excuses we can come up with to cram then in there so we can sell more CDs. At least the first two weeks back they were good songs, and you put some effort into coming up with reasons they “flowed.” But yesterday was just pathetic. I didn’t even enjoy like 85% of the episode, just waited for it to be over. And I know that my previous least favorite episode was the one with Kristin Chenoweth, but this one blew it out of the water for being horrible. Please stop having her on the show. Get your act together, before there’s one too many what the hell moments and I stop watching. Which would make me sad. Please no more disappointments like last night. I need my gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

AT&T, what the hell is wrong with you? T.O.M.O.R.R.O.W Verizon releases the second phone of their line I’d love to have, which goes along with another one I’d be fine with. That’s three possibilities. Those two phones I lovee you are supposedly releasing equivalent or less-good versions of  “soon,” but you still haven’t told us a date (for well over a month on one of them). I am tired of trying to coax my phone into life. If you didn’t have exclusive rights to the iPhone you’d be sooooo dead, since all your other smartphones are just not-as-cool versions of Verizon phones which are released later than the superior Verizon ones. Please stop coasting. I know it’s a foreign concept, but it’s actually best for your clients to have options! What the hell, why not think about them for a change?? Coming tomorrow if I don’t have just a date when I can expect a good phone from you, my pissiness level is going to rise. Don’t make me come down there.

And to steal from Elle, what the hell, Mother Nature? Hail today? Hail? Really??? Come on. Please be joking. No hail, OK? I won’t even be upset about the joke. Hehe. See? I’m laughing.

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Not crabby, just crabbing

So this weekend I spent crabbing in Westport.

Oh yeah, I was rocking the fashion. It was cold, OK? And my dad is kind of over-protective.

It was lots of fun. I remember crabbing as a little kid, watching the seagulls grab the little crabs and crack them on the rocks, good times! (I was kind of sick as a little kid) So now I enjoy going back and doing it more, and it’s an activity my dad and I enjoy doing together.

At first Toby was a little shy around the crabs.

But I introduced him.

And he got braver and started herding them back into the water.

(The hubby didn’t warn me he was taking video. I hate the sound of my own voice! Pretend there’s no sound. Or mute your computers. Peeeerfect…)

It was the hubby’s first time crabbing, and he did great!

Have I mentioned that crabs are ugly little buggers? But fascinating!

There was lots of really cool wildlife around, too. Like loons,

deer,

and sea lions.

Aaaaw….

They’re so cute!

Not. So. Much. Look at those TEETH!

OK, these creatures are seriously scary. Sunday we went out on a new pier..which is evidently their pier. They were all lined up on one branch.

And as we walked by they started barking. A lot. In a threatening way. Coming right after the waitress at breakfast warned us that they would leap out of the water, grab your leg, and pull you in the water (not in a scaring-the-tourist kind of way, just in an everyday fact kind of way. Like, “The sky is blue. It is cold out. Those sea lions will eat your faces off.”) it was scary. I was seriously worried for Toby. He’s bite-sized. Another crabber who was a local out there warned us against them when he saw us, telling us to protect Toby because he may be tempting for the sea lions to try, and they’ll grab anything that looks like food, even if they then spit it out. He also told me stories about people being stuck out on the dock ’cause the sea lions wouldn’t let them by. These things are big and fast. My dad remembers bad experiences with them, too, from all his history hunting and living on coasts. So yes. Scary. Very scary. We moved to another pier, which was better, but I still freaked out every time they popped up and pulled Toby away from the edge. Especially after they attacked the crab pot as the hubby was pulling it up and tugged on it, fighting the bait off. Did. Not. Like. The. Sea lions. They’re a lot cuter on TV, through the safety of the screen.

Aside from that, though. things were really fun. Toby had a blast, even picking up crabs by the legs and pulling them back from the water by the end. We started having to hold him back, because he’d see the pots come up and leap to the..um…attack. It was so cute watching him paw at their hard shells, bemused. He had so much fun. And my dad and hubby spent some good time together.

Toby anxiously awaited the return of his boyz.

We ended up with 10 crabs: 4 dungeness and 6 red rock. My coworker, who received them all, reports they were quite [EDIT] delicious. I meant delicious. I’m tired. Disappointing starts with the same letter. End of edit. Obviously the dungeness were better, but even the red rock were good. Mmmmm, gross, disgusting crab.

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Still alive

I’m still alive. Promise. Was gone all weekend, got back to insanity + exhaustion, blogging has taken the hit. But I’m here and good!

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Saying “still alive” reminded me of this:

Such an awesome song. Even better if you’ve played Portal. It’s an fun little thinking/puzzle game, like 10 hours to beat the whole game, I recommend it. And “Still Alive” is available free for Rock Band! No need to thank me for all these hints.

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My crabbing trip was lots ‘o’ fun! I’ll do a full post on it later, but in summary, Toby is a mighty crab hunter and even if you’re cold you can get a mean sunburn if the sun is out. We came back with 10 crabs for my coworker.

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On a related note, if your face gets horribly sunburned, don’t wear hot pink to work the next day. On the upside, I was color-coordinated!

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Remember that job I wasn’t going to take because it was too many hours and at too small a company? Just took it. Oh yeah. Such a feeling of peace and happiness and everything being settled when I called and accepted! They clearly really wanted me, because I called to decline and they changed the offer and were flexible for me. I’ll be working 12-15 hours a week, with a set schedule for each quarter so I can plan training/classes without constant worry about conflict. The pay isn’t great, but it wouldn’t be for any part time job I’m “qualified” for. It’s close to home, a fun place, the hours are right, the scheduling is right, and I’m happy. Plus they’re willing to wait until May 10th to start me, so I get a week off! This is the first time I’ve ever felt in power in negotiations, I always feel guilty asking for things (like not starting the VERY DAY I’m done with my current job), but this time I knew they wanted me and that made me feel good! Yay confidence! Yay job! Yay future not being (so much) up in the air!

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One thing I will not miss is rush hour traffic. My new job is 10 minutes away. Right by Companions. All surface streets. Non-rush-hour hours. Yesterday it took me for.e.ver to get to work. The 10 minute trip to my bus (not even my office) took over 40 minutes. Boooo!

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Peanut’s Pals is having its grand opening this weekend. If you live in Snohomish county you should come by! It’s complete with raffles, treats, and fun activities!

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I should really be working right now.

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People are starting to learn about me leaving my job. One coworker just came up all sad to talk with me and say goodbye (she’d just heard). It was really sweet. 5 weeks ago it would have made me cry, because leaving was such a hard decision to make. I thought it would get harder as it became more real. Not so much. I’m having a hard time keeping the glee off my face as I talk with these well-wishers! This is SO the right decision. Thank you, hubby, for being OK with the major hit in our income.

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Speaking of glee….GLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <3 Tuesday nights.

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Speaking of random, click the button to play along over at the UnMom’s!

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Before I head out…

…let’s have some Friday fun! As always, the buttons lead to the blogs.

I need this one:

Dear training friend,

I am glad we are friends. Really, I am. It is nice to have someone to talk to dog stuff about. And you do your research and have started a business before, so you have good info for me. But seriously. We’re facebook friends. And I’m political on facebook, largely because I think politics are important, and largely because I like talking about things I’m interested in and my fb wall is my forum to post what is important to me. So when I respectfully put up an article which respectfully states something I agree with, please don’t come back with a response that is 1) completely unintelligent, 2) completely off-topic to the article I had put up, and 3) completely beside even the point you wanted to make. Or if you’re going to, make your comment and leave it alone. Stop hounding and hounding and hounding me on my wall.

And I realize you’re old enough to be my mother, but I will not “understand when I’m older.” I understand your point. I do. I have lived it in other arenas. I just disagree. And you know, when I was on the other side of this issue in that other arena, I acted the exact same way. It was hard, but I felt it was right then, and I still feel it’s right now.

BACK OFF.

your peeved friend

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Dear self,

Please calm down. It doesn’t matter when people say stupid things. Really. Except that they then get power, because stupid, simple phrases are easy to remember and repeat. And then with that power they can hurt people. But aside from that, it doesn’t matter.

Why do you care so much when people are stupid or hypocritical or illogical? The caring takes too much energy. If you could figure out a way to turn off the caring sometimes, that would be nice.

No? OK, well, I’ll find a way to deal, and maybe someday I’ll have the guts to put up a political post here.

Tired

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Dear hubby,

Thanks for the service dog idea! I love what you came up with! Now just to find the time to put it together. But I will, and hopefully soon I’ll get started training SDs!

Also, thanks for offering to move. I know you don’t want to, it was so sweet of you to offer. But we’ll find a way to make it all work out :-)

wifey

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Dear Puget Sound dog owners,

Where’d you all go? How do I have 2 full classes, and then not a single person signs up for the next? You are confusing me. Please sign up soon, I’d love to work with you!

Trainer

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Dear government,

I would like to be able to sell things for my business, in addition to offering services. I am not sure why you rejected my application. My friend has the exact same business and applied for the exact same thing and got it. I’ll try again, please approve me this time!

Small business owner

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Dear AT&T,

Same request as last week. Get it together. Verizon already has one phone I’d love, and will have another as of Thursday. You will be offering both “soon.” As you have been saying for a month.

I want to stay your customer. It would make my hubby happy, and I’d like us both to be happy. But “soon” needs to actually mean soon at some point.

At least make an announcement.

I’m getting tired of missing things for Companions due to your ineptitude.

pissed customer

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OK, that’s good. Let’s talk about some happy things. Maybe then my blood will stop boiling. (That first letter is true. She really got to me. I don’t quite know why)

Here we go! If you remember, this is a meme where you post anything that made you smile, laugh, or giggle this week. See? I’m smiling! *grits teeth* :P

Hehe :-) My coworker has a laser-pointer-crazy cat. She is fun to play with.

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This week I was teaching the first session with dogs for a new class. I was a bit apprehensive, because of the 3 dogs in class, 1 was a puppy, 1 had already failed out of another obedience class for bad behavior, and 1 was completely out-of-control and the owner told me she was expecting to fail out.

Class starts, all 3 dogs arrive.

Chaos reigns.

I can’t even speak, the barking is so loud. They’re straining and lunging at each other (thank you new tie-offs!). I wait for pauses and then talk. We start out clicking for eye-contact. Any time the dog looks at them, they get a click and a treat. Things quiet down within minutes…until they don’t pay attention to the dog for any length of time. I show them how to body-block their dogs when they bark, cutting off options, blocking their view, but not even looking at them as reinforcement. We work on many new cues, with a group of dogs who hasn’t really listened before. They never stop working, always keeping the dogs engaged. As the hour goes on, the room gets quieter.

At the end of the hour I call them all back into the room (they’d been doing something one at a time, so two teams were waiting in the entrance area watching) to do a wrap-up, assign homework, ask for questions. They all come in and stand closer together than they have all night without thinking about it. No one is working with their dog.

Silence.

I couldn’t help but smile. How far to have come in just one hour!

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In another class last night, there are two boxers. One is an adult, one is a puppy. They L.O.V.E. each other and want to play all the time. This week we let them play to practice some recall (calling out of play). The puppy was constantly pinned by the adult, who would just lay on him and hold him in place while the puppy fought furiously. At one point the puppy got up on the adult’s back and sprawled over it. And then stopped. He had no idea what to do when he wasn’t losing. It was so adorable to see the surprise on his face! The adult stood up, and the puppy slid off, still surprised, and ended up pinned again before he knew what happened.

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At the beginning of that same class, I suggested the students use the tie offs my favorite student and her husband installed for me! They hook up the adult to the wall by his harness, I turn to walk back to the puppy, and turn around to find the adult following me. In the 10 seconds my back was turned he had managed to slip out of his full harness and his collar, and his big, barrel-chested, naked self was strutting across the room to me. He looked so proud, I couldn’t help but laugh!

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My husband and I have discovered a new species. It is known as underbedtoby. It is a small, furry creature which lives under our bed and frequently pushes little rubber squeaky balls out at random intervals. You can get a glimpse of the elusive underbedtoby if you pick up the ball that pops out and throw it, causing him to streak out from under the bed. Thus far we have only managed to record a blur; Loch Ness Monster pictures are more credible. But I swear he’s real! If you heard his whimpering, you would believe…

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Well that was successful, now I’m smiling and happy! Talking about dogs will do that to me :-) Hope y’all have a good weekend, I’m off to catch some crab!

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