As you may have read, I want a baby. A whole damn lot wee bit.
For very good reasons, we are not ready to have one yet. Hopefully soon, but not yet. And I have no argument with that fact.
And still, every time I’m watching TV, and someone mentions, “We’re expecting a baby!” it makes my heart twinge. It can be done so casually, skipped by in passing among the other, “more important” events going on. There can be no warning, it just comes out mid-conversation. It always recaptures my full attention. And I always feel a pang of jealousy.
Every time I hear about my friends’ pregnancies, or upcoming domestic infant adoption, on Facebook, it pulls at my heart. I’m happy for them. I really am. But I can’t hold back the envy, the longing that accompanies that happiness.
And this is just because we’re choosing not to have a baby.
I can’t imagine how much worse this would be if it were due to infertility. Due to trying and working and aching to have a baby, and not being able to.
If you are battling that horrible problem, my heart goes out to you. Much love and strength in your battle.