Dear Depression

You suck. I am at a wedding (granted, one I wasn’t looking forward to, but still, a wedding) and nothing but upset. Down. Overwhelmed by negative feelings. Why? A teeny tiny tiff with my hubby which hit me where I felt vulnerable. TWO AND A HALF HOURS AGO. And I can’t shake the feelings that came crashing down. I’m barely holding back tears, eyes full because…there’s no reason! But I’m all alone, in a hall full of strangers, which is upping my anxiety because I can’t get on my carefully constructed mask, unable to recenter myself and unable to get help from my service dog to do so since I left him at home out of respect.

I am now overcome with anxiety which is battling the depression, and I can’t fight loose of your struggle for supremacy. Please leave me alone.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Dear Depression

  1. hey – thinking about you.

    i know what its like to feel alone in a room full of laughter and good times.

    hang in there. ask them to play the chicken dance. you can be sad during that???

  2. hope your night improved.

  3. I have a truly difficult time recentering myself around those I don’t know. Trips back to NC to see my husband’s family are difficult, and the few times we’ve argued while there have been absolutely brutal. The idea of anyone seeing past the carefully crafted mask? Unbearable.

    You aren’t alone, Eileen. There are so many people (probably some of those strangers around you, in fact) who do understand. Just keep pushing through it and you’ll get to the other side. I hope you are feeling better.

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