OK, I’ve seen enough of these wrap up posts, and really enjoyed reading them, that I now feel the need to do my own.
2010 was the year I started blogging. Almost immediately I started using my blog to think things through, as my second post was a long delve into living with invisible illnesses, mine specifically, and the benefits my service dog gave (and gives) me. That post is bittersweet to read, and I remember the painful days at work I described, a good reminder that, unless something changes, I can’t keep going the way I was.
Moving into March, I blogged a LOT as my world came crashing down and I realized I had to deal with my illnesses. I decided to walk 5,000 steps every day for a week. I need to do this one again. Wonder where the pedometer went… I talked about some amusing yet shocking sexist comments I faced in my then male-dominated world.
I had a breakdown as I hit the point where I was barely able to function day-to-day and keep my full-time job. I remember feeling this way:
It feels like my mind is going to give out. It feels like it is going to shut off, and leave me rocking in place, unable to move or think or live.
And sometimes it feels like that might be an improvement.
I participated again in my first meme (which has sadly since been discontinued)! For another meme, I wrote about falling in love with my hubby. Still makes me smile! Shortly after that I formally decided to leave my job. Another meltdown ensued.
Due to a friend’s influence, I made one of the most humiliating confessions of my life.
I quit my job.
Read that one again. That was major.
Going into April, I managed to use Twilight to spur a serious discussion of depression. To counteract that, I shared some adorable videos of my puppy training. And then, because I’m a sharing kind of person, I made many happy by sharing my recipe for delicious enchiladas. Even though I can’t spell “enchiladas” without spell-check.
Toby travelled with my hubby and me to meet with my father, and there unleashed the mighty crab hunter within.
I wrote one of my favorite posts on leaving my job, and living with a chronic illness, the day before I left, in which I explained:
Saying to me, “I wish I could leave my job!” is kind of like saying to someone in a wheelchair “I wish I could sit down all day!” Not being able to successfully live a normal life is not something I am happy about or proud of.
During July I entered a struggle I’ve had ever since between happiness and society’s expectations. Society’s expectations have become more of mine. I need a higher purpose. And money would be nice. I also talked about how sometimes, the thought of getting better is too scary to face. How sometimes, while I hate being sick, I can’t make myself want to be better.
And, perhaps most importantly, I professed my undying love for my hubby while recounting our wedding dance. And then, in August, I told you about how an octopus shared our bed for one night of our honeymoon.
Ending August and heading into September, I blogged for National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. I began to feel healed enough that I needed a purpose again, not just time to heal. I’m still here. I need a purpose..but I need it to be small enough that I can still survive and not relapse into the breakdown my full-time engineering brought on. I participated in my first Spin Cycle (which unfortunately ended soon after), sharing my religious journey. And I continued to flounder on what to do now.
December started with one of the cutest pictures ever. It led to some home-grown humor. And keeping with the theme, I delivered what I found to be a freaking hysterical story about boobs, but to nary a comment. *tear*
I’ve really enjoyed my 11 months of blogging, and am looking forward to continuing! I am so glad to have this record of my experiences. Thanks to all who come and comment!