I just had my exam for getting life insurance. Because, you know, they have to know the odds of me offing myself or otherwise dying so they can lay their bets.
First off, WHAT THE HELL crazy examiner? It took you FOUR F*CKING TRIES to get the vein in my arm! And every! single! one! hurt!!! I have gotten blood draws every few months for the last many years bouncing between specialists trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL is wrong with me, and never once since 7 years ago when I was severely dehydrated from mono has anyone had to try more than once to find my vein. I’M AN EASY DRAW. Also, I don’t even dread the draws anymore because I barely feel them. But this hurt!!! I am not a baby about needles anymore, but OW! She left half an hour ago, and my arm is STILL throbbing and painful!
Also, you want to know a big no-no, examiner? Asking me what dysthymic disorder is and then saying, “Oh, I wonder if everyone has that! ’cause sometimes there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed and go to work!” WHAT THE HELL were you thinking?? Really? Someone has a diagnosed medical condition which severely effects every single day of their life, and you brush it off because you sometimes are lazy or feel crummy? Come on!
And finally, WHAT THE HELL is with your crazy religious conclusions? Twilight came up, and I asked if she had read it. She said no, and launched into a lengthy explanation that she didn’t because Stephanie Meyers was LDS and she’s Mormon, too, and she doesn’t understand why someone of their faith would write about vampires because there’s nothing “light” about vampires, unless they were doing it for money. (Because yes, when she created a whole new genre that didn’t exist yet and didn’t have any kind of teen following, she totally did it because she absolutely knew it would be a hit and she would make so much money from it. Somehow.) I couldn’t help myself, and I asked, “Light?” She said, “You know, lightening, spiritual, uplifting.” I gave her a fisheye. She went on to say, “There’s nothing lightening about vampires.” I tentatively offered, “Well, I think the books are more about overcoming your own personal demons and battles, and finding ways to be moral in the face of any challenges…” at which point she cut me off and said, “Yeah, my nieces told me they don’t drink human blood, only animal blood. I was like, what?? Besides, it doesn’t matter. In the Bible does it ever portray vampires as light? No. My point exactly.” At which point I let things go because you can’t argue with insanity and WHAT THE HELL crazy lady, when something is mentioned in the Bible one way does that mean we can view it or portray it or consider it in any other way again? So I guess stones are just for killing adulteresses, and menstrual cycles are not signs of fertility but something which makes us unworthy of being touched, and hey, come to think of it, in the Bible does it ever portray slavery as evil? No. My point exactly. Slavery, thus, can never be thought of as evil.
Glad that is over. And we’re buying the f*cking life insurance, because I don’t want to go through this again.