Another baby fever post (deal with it)

It’s kind of weird.

I have baby fever. Bad. If you haven’t noticed.

Before too long, the hubby and I will start trying for kids.

I am very excited.

But no one else is.

Very few people IRL know about this development upcoming.

My mommy has some idea and is happy for me, but that’s about it (plus we don’t talk all that much, so we haven’t really discussed it). She reassured me she was ready to be a grandma, which is good, and that’s about it.

I told one local friend, and while she was happy for me, she said she hoped we would wait longer. I feel like, on the one hand, yes, you can always wait longer and enjoy life now and get in a better position. And yes, I am young. But biology is screaming at me and the hubby and I have been together almost 8 years now and we’re financially stable and I’m kind of in a holding pattern. So that was kind of a deflating moment.

My bestest friend lives far away and isn’t married (probably partially because she’s so hot and brilliant 347 guys are all fighting over her). We keep up and chat and I am totally going to kidnap her and move her up here when she is done with her masters work but not that often (Noticing a pattern? It’s me, not them. I suck at regular phone conversations. My long-term friends are the ones I can not talk to for a year and then pick up right up where we left off when we spend a week living together.) She is super awesome and will be happy for whatever makes me happy (’cause she’s super awesome like that) but just in a different place in her I can’t see her getting super bubbly excited for me, just like how before I hit this point I didn’t get super bubbly excited for others.

My other good college girlfriend has a kid and is excited-ish, but also in her own life and, again, we don’t talk much.

Another local IRL friend reads this blog and so knows where I’m at-ish, but we’re still fairly new friends and both pretty shy, and this being pretty personal it’s not something we really talk about (though she did give me massive amounts of comfort last week with my scare just by telling me it was OK to feel like it was a big deal)i.

And my hubby..well, he’s awesome. He does not have hormones driving him crazy, yet is still willing to adapt himself to my biological clock so I’m not fighting it for years. But we are definitely moving on my time, not his. And I have to try to keep the excited baby crazies down to avoid driving him crazy.

That about sums up who knows about it IRL. So it’s a pretty private thing. I am happy. I am looking forward to it. I have been waiting for this for a long time.

But no one else really has feelings above “Oh, cool,” at most.

It’s kinda lonely and disheartening to be so excited and so looking forward to and so consumed by something that no one else really cares about. I feel like I have to hold it in all the time and avoid bringing it up. This is amplified by the fact that I’m really not pregnant yet, so there’s nothing concrete to tell people or talk about anyway. But I am doing all kinds of research and preparation and getting excited and learning and going through new things now, even if I’m not pregnant yet. And there’s no one to share that with.

I didn’t realize how lonely it was until at my doctor’s appointment last week. I told them the timeframe we were thinking, and the doctor’s assistant got so excited and happy for me! She was bubbly and happy and told me congratulations and even squealed a little bit.

This woman just met me. It was my first appointment. And she works at a birth and family clinic, so it’s not like there’s a shortage of pregnant, soon-to-be pregnant, or recently pregnant women around her.

But she still got excited for me.

That made me feel so good.

I can’t wait to go back!

**Disclaimer: I in no way blame ANYONE in my life for lack of reactions. Most of the time it is my fault, anyway, for 1) not keeping in regular contact and 2) being shy. It is what it is…I’m just commenting on how “what it is” is kind of sucky. Low-grade sucky. But still. I would love someone to squeal with and talk things over with and get happy and excited with and share the ups and downs of this hormonal process with…I’ve just never been good at making friends. And right now all my jobs are pretty isolating (run my own business by myself, just started tutoring/teaching my own classes in a center where the only other staff I know is the owner, tutor online with no real human contact). If I was at my engineering job I can think of at least 2 girlfriends who would totally be squealing with me and checking in on me…but that’s not where I am now. Again, my fault. Just kind of lame.

But hey, if this is the worst “kind of lame” in my life right now, I’m doing pretty good.


Filed under Life

8 responses to “Another baby fever post (deal with it)

  1. I am excited for you.

    I LOVE talking all things pregnancy, birth, baby and beyond.

    I am 100% not shy. In fact I often make people uncomfortable with my lack of boundaries.

    You can email me whenever and I will be tickled to no end about it.

  2. Kathryn

    I am totally excited for you! I just don’t show it well. I probably won’t talk about it with you unless you bring it up. (One of the funny little rules I have in my head for stuff like that.) Also, sometimes, I think I scare people a bit with my enthusiasm (maybe not you, but some people), so I tend to try to be pretty reserved about talking about personal things like that. (Which is where they funny little rules come into play.) (Also, I never know if it’s public knowledge or still a somewhat secret, so I treat it as a secret unless I’m told otherwise.) (Also, can you actually use three different sets of parenthesis in a row? Oops! Guess I just did!) That being said, I am really happy for you that things are starting to work out in your favor! My fingers are totally crossed for you! And I’m always happy to talk to you about the crazy hormonal ride that is pregnancy and parenthood! (And in case that’s not enough exclamation points, here are a few more!!!!!!)

    • Thanks, Kathryn! Good to know, now I will try not to babble your ears off when I see you :-P We are both very introverted, which makes talking know, unless it’s after class ;-) Also, I promise I would never, ever mind you bringing it up. Now you have to promise to tell me if I start to annoy you with my comments :P

      Also, I’m pretty sure you can use a million sets of parenthesis in a row. I’m a master of nesting them. And I make sure I close them all off correctly. It’s the math major in me.

      • Kathryn

        Well, yes, there is the introverted thing going on. But after class is different,m somehow. Couldn’t explain why, though. (Maybe it’s the fact that it’s over an hour away from the “MommyMommyMommy” at home?) I think you’d be surprised at how much talking about being a parent I can handle. Unless you’re telling me I’m doing it wrong, then I don’t want to hear it. (And here I joke- I know you wouldn’t be like that one person in my life who constantly tells me I’m parenting wrong.)(And I’m glad to here multiple parenthesis are good. Because sometimes you just need a bunch of them.)

    • Also, let’s remember that I totally think you should teach classes in creative parenting, so your enthusiasm makes me happy. I am just trying to absorb some of it, along with some of your brilliant ideas. :-)

      • Kathryn

        Ha ha ha! What you call “creative parenting” is also what I call “trying to not lose my mind”. Not all the time, though. Before we decided to have kids, I worked in childcare (daycare) for 12ish years. (A really bad center, some good centers and a “better” center (“Better” in that it was more expensive and the people running it considered it best of the line. At the time I thought it was a good center. When I had my own kids I realized that although it was good, I wouldn’t take my kids there, even if it would have been free, which wasn’t the case.) I saw a bunch of parenting styles, saw what worked and what didn’t. Saw ways of working with kids that left the kids’ imaginations and personalities and enthusiasm for learning undaunted, yet the kids still behaved and were considered to be good kids by society (not that that’s a reason to parent one way over another, but it’s nice to have a kid who you can take to a restaurant and not be asked to keep your kid quieter) and were fun to be around. So that’s where some of it comes from. The rest comes from flying by the seat of my pants most of the time. And years of sleep deprivation. :) But I’ll happily share what’s worked (or not worked) for us, if you want to know, because knowledge wants to be shared. (And I might be a bit tired and loopy today.) :)

  3. I’m the one who will tell you that kids suck the life out of you. But will also be super excited for you. ‘Cause as much as they suck it out, they breathe even more of it in.

    Can’t wait to hear the actual news!!!

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