Monthly Archives: February 2011

Just a friendly reminder…

Only one more day to enter the my blogiversary giveaway! Entering is super easy, and you can get some free money to Amazon!

I went book shopping yesterday because a Borders near me was closing and everything was one sale. I got some super cute Boynton board books for my future baby. Because I am obsessive like that. I now own Doggies! :) What would you get with Amazon money? Just tell me (on my blogiversary post) to enter!

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More photos! (Stop it, you’re not sick of them yet)

February 13

I was going to take a bunch of photos of a friends’ jewelry this day…but then we got busy with her teaching me to coupon and us eating a yummy dinner and got tired. So I just have a photo I took of one of her fused glass pieces with my phone.

It totally reminds me of xkcd. I love it.

February 14

I totally suck. I thought I took a photo. Guess I didn’t. *hangs head*

February 15

New photos of pieces for DesignsByART

 

 

I love her pieces so much. Now I need to get them on Etsy.

February 16

OneĀ  of my favorite students! Hope you don’t mind, awesome student/friend of mine, I just love this picture! Her big ol’ delicate lap dog.

February 17

Whaddya know, I’m posting today’s photo today! Granted, it is another cell phone pic…*sigh* That’s OK, it’s still a photo.

This is what has been staring at me all afternoon.

Cutest. Puppy. Ever.

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Filed under Dogs, Life, Photos

WTHW Just Under the Deadline

I have decided I’m going to lose weight.

Again. Because it didn’t work the last 27 times.

I have set a goal. 10 pounds in 10 weeks. Nothing groundbreaking. But significant.

So now, every day, my hubby and I are each exercising at lest 15 minutes.

We can run. We can elliptical (we have one in our house). We can Wii Fit. Those are our basic options at this point. But whatever we do, it has to be for at least 15 continuous minutes (or 15 minutes of actual exercise on Wii Fit).

And then, at the end of the day, we weigh in on the Wii Fit together.

Because it totally graphs things for us. And I like graphs. And stamps. You get to stamp a calendar. Have I mentioned I’m goal oriented?

Anyway.

We are on day 4. I just finished another workout. Just Wii Fit, because I had physical therapy and my knees are really hurting, so I figured impact exercise or really wide range of motion was not the way to go.

And you know what?

My weight went up again.

In fact, my weight has gone up every! single! day!

WHAT THE HELL??????

I’m being good! I’m eating less! (Purposely trying to not eat out of boredom or when I’m just a little hungry or in the evenings. Portioning smaller and waiting to see how I feel before getting more. Etc.)

I’m exercising! OK, it’s wimpy, pathetic amounts of exercise, but still! For me it’s a lot! (And, total excuse time, because of CFS I’ve been told not to do more than 15 minutes in one go, because it’ll use up my energy reserves too fast.) So, you know, for me this is good!

Sure as hell better than I have been…and yet my weight held steady for 6 months before.

So why did I gain 2.5 pounds over the last 4 days???

I know it’s not much. I know things can fluctuate. But seriously.

Every.

Single.

Day.

It has gone up.

It’s not fluctuating. It’s increasing.

Grrrrrrrrr.

This trend had better stop. I’m getting angry!

This is why people are not meant to exercise…

PS Go enter my give away for $10 to Amazon! And then go enter Corey’s giveaway for the exact same thing!

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Another set of (kitty & bball) photos

February 11

We found a fun new way to torture play with the kitty!

RED BUG!

 

Almost got it...

 

There!!

 

...where'd it go?

 

February 12

Have I mentioned my hubby is a ref? He had district tournament games this year. I enjoy taking photos of sports. It keeps them from being completely and utterly boring.

Opening of the game. Doesn't the official who threw the ball look like Taub from House?

 

I just like this one. The framing and aperture is cool. That's my hubby!

 

During a time-out.

 

Free throws.

 

Three points...? I love how every single person is staring up at the ball...except the officials, who are watching the players. What good officials!

 

Can I just add that these photos are way cooler bigger? The facial expressions and such are great. Like the coach’s face during the time-out. Totally doesn’t come through when shrunk. *sigh*

Enjoy! Maybe some day I’ll get caught up and post the right pictures on the right day…maybe.

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The need to be seen

I have a problem with needing to feel heard. If nothing I say or do right is ever acknowledged, I get frustrated and shut down.

I was reminded of this tonight at agility.

We had an indoor class because it has been monsooning. We went over the basics of how to clicker train. Um…hello? I teach other people how to do this. But that’s OK, I figured good review. It was just sooooo slow and sooooo boring.

But that’s not the point.

Eventually they decided to have us each practice nose targeting one at a time. Toby hadn’t done this in about a year (with a target on the ground), and he’d just spent 30 minutes working quietly for me and being comtained while the teacher talked (and talked and talked). So we get up for our turn. And he does phenomenal! At least, in my mind. Within a half-dozen clicks I have him going to get his treat and trotting back over to the target from a few feet away. He got one click for his first investigation and almost instantly figured out what to do. I feel like I’ve done well, both with this trick and his foundation.

But no comment to that effect.

OK, whatever.

We go around again and hit my turn. Before we can start the teacher starts harping on me about how Toby isn’t motivated enough. How I need to get him more up. And how I need to get him touching multiple times. (Which I had no idea was a goal, for the record.)

And OK. It’s true. Toby’s not motivated. I didn’t think this needed to be a super-high-drive trick. And he’s doing it fine, just kinda whatever. He’s tired, he’s cold, he’s bored, and he knows I’m bored. So he’s figuring it out and having fun, but not being super up about it. We’re both working.

But really?

All he had to do was say, “OK, he’s doing great touching the target and going to it from a distance, now let’s see if we can build some motivation and get him touching multiple times!”

See how much better that is than, “His drive is low. How can you get him excited? And get him to touch it multiple times.”

It’s not a big thing.

It’s just that it’s all.the.time.

I don’t want a “compliment sandwich.”

Just an acknowledgement that I did some good.

And so, because I felt like I wasn’t really being seen because there was no acknowledgement of anything good we had done, I would find myself commenting to try to defend myself.

I can take criticism.

But I wanted to hear a, “OK, good point! How can we work around that?” or “Well, good that you know!” rather than, “Prove it,” or “Do this other unrelated thing.”

I kept talking and responding because I felt like I wasn’t being heard. And I couldn’t stop myself. I just needed a tiny acknowledgment that I might have some clue what I was doing.

I have come away from agility in the past so disheartened, because I feel like Toby did something GREAT! Maybe he ran when he normally doesn’t, or took an obstacle he just learned..but when I get off the course, all I hear is, “Next time, work on this.”

And I know. I’m there to be told what to work on.

But you lose your motivation when it feels like no one sees your successes.

It takes two extra seconds to say, “Wow, great job on that hoop! Next time, work on this.”

Is it really that hard?

I am constantly telling my students to watch for their dogs being good, not just to react when they’re bad. I remind them to keep things positive, to give corrections but then immediately set up to succeed and reward. Don’t just harp on the bad. And, for the most part, they get it.

Why is it so hard for this teacher to do with his human students?

And I know I don’t do this with my human students. It is just obvious to me. You don’t walk up and correct someone all the time. Maybe I say, “That was great! Try this…” and that’s all. But there’s still that lead in.

sigh

I know it’s not a big deal. It’s not. It’s a little thing.

But that little thing building up for years starts to take its toll.

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More photos

I have not yet figured out a good system for getting the photos onto my computer. It tells me it has 5 hours before the next set is uploaded. *sigh* I should work on that.

But here are some previous day’s photos!

Also, just for the record? I’m not editing any of these photos. They’re going up as-taken. And it’s totally not because I don’t know how to edit photos.

February 10




Well, I had high hopes for adding another day or two worth of photos…but since there are currently photos uploading it is taking almost a minute between shots for me to view them, let alone upload them! I have got to figure this out…

Just bask in the Toby cuteness for now :-)


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Filed under Dogs, Life, Photos

It sees you when you’re sleeping…

When you have dysthymia, the depression is always there. Always. Just waiting around the corner. Watching every second of your life for a crack it can sneak in through.

It is a life-long battle.

It will never get (all the way) better.

It will never go away.

You cannot beat it.

All you can do is learn to live with it so that it affects you as little as possible.

And build up a kick @$$ support system, so that when it does start to win, they’ll hold you up while you fight it off.

I think one of the hardest things about dysthymia for me is how stinkin’ sneaky it can be.

The past week I’ve felt like I’m doing pretty good.

Haven’t been super sad.

Have been able to leave the house.

No anxiety melt downs.

No crying fits.

But it’s still got me. It just found a new way.

A subtle way.

One I didn’t notice.

So it managed to interfere with my life for a solid. week.

What way is that?

I have not returned any phone calls.

No big deal, you may think. So my friends aren’t hearing from me.

But that’s not it. My friends know not to call me, because I hate phones anyway and they’re much more likely to get a fast response texting or e-mailing.

It’s my business. Dog training. Potential clients. Current clients. People trying to get ahold of me to give me money.

I need to call them back to keep my business afloat.

And yet I just…haven’t.

I think of it, and my mind slides to something else.

I make excuses, things like, “It’s too late now,”…at 6 PM.

I keep myself busy doing nothing until after 9 (when I won’t call).

I say I’m “too tired” when I’ve woken up in the morning.

The result?

People who were seriously interested in my services haven’t heard from me.

And they left a message a week ago.

Now the calls are going to be that much more painful.

But I need to man up and do them.

Damn you, dysthymia, for being so damn sneaky.

It’s played the phone game before. It’s just always been for only a day or two, and as a minor side-effect, while other, more major symptoms took most of the attention and really let me know I was in it.

Time to go do what I have to do, despite my mind fighting me every step of the way.

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Filed under Invisible Illnesses, Life