I was going to bold one of those words, but I’m too tired.
It has been weeks since I slept well. Since I slept through the night. Since I didn’t have stress dreams/nightmares.
My insomnia has kicked in with a passion.
I cannot fall asleep. No matter what hour I go to bed or how exhausted I am when my head hits the pillow, I spend the next 1-3 hours lying wide awake with my eyes shut, trying to relax enough to let some peace in.
I cannot stay asleep. I have woken up several hours before I needed to every. Single. Morning.
My CFS is not caused by my insomnia, but it sure can be made worse by it. And, unrelated to any of that, I need an abnormal amount of sleep just to stay normal. About 10 hours a night. Ridiculous. Unreasonable. Which is why I am often low-level tired. But that is my base level that is really required for functioning. I can do 9 sometimes, but I’ll pay for it.
So let’s look at last night, just as a typical example.
Fall asleep around 12:30AM.
Wake up from nightmares at 6AM.
In case you’re a bit fuzzy on math, that’s 5.5 hours of (nightmare-riddled) sleep.
And in case that fuzziness extends, 5.5 < 10. Also, 5.5 < 9.
For 2+ weeks.
I’m hoping it’s hormones. And that as my body regulates to being off the pill (pleaseohpleaseohplease) this will go away.
Really, really soon.
So tired of living in a fog and being unable to do the one thing that would help: sleep.
So tired of the bitchy, short-tempered person I become on this cocktail of minimal sleep + wonky hormones.
Just so tired.