Why do important conversations always take place at night?
Of course, I know why. At night my guard is down more. When I am tired I don’t have the energy to be as hyper-vigilant. And so I can say things and ask questions I couldn’t otherwise bring myself to.
But then, when I am that tired, it also means I don’t have the tools to deal with what I hear. And that the anxiety, when triggered, can fully envelope me, only having to overcome a token resistance.
Which is why I lay here awake, brain racing, blogging on my phone, debating giving up the pretence of being able to sleep any time soon and turning on my light to read, while my neuro-typical husband lies sleeping soundly beside me.
Sometimes I just want to be normal…even more badly than the rest of the time.