I am fat.
No, seriously. Not asking for reassurance.
I used to be quite a healthy weight. Right in the middle of the healthy weight range by BMI (which I know is bunk and way too generalized for many individuals, but is about right on for me based on what I’ve seen of my healthy body weight/shape…and my unhealthy body weight/shape). This was about 3 years ago.
Then I got married. And put on what a coworker called “happy fat.” This may also have to do with no longer walking all over campus every day while hauling heavy books. Those first two years of marriage the weight gain was steady but very slow. But the end I was at the veeeeery top of the “healthy weight” BMI range. But still in there.
Then depression and chronic fatigue decided to take over. When I’m depressed, I eat. When I’m fatigued, I don’t exercise.
PSA: This is not a good combination.
I knew I was gaining weight, but eh, it was just a little. I was still at the top of the “healthy weight” range. My new Wii Fit, which I got to help me lose some pounds a year ago, reminded me that “That’s healthy!” So yeah, I wasn’t where I ideally *wanted* to be, but it was more vanity weight loss.
And I kept telling myself that’s where I was.
For the last year.
As I put on another 11 pounds.
God, even just typing that hurts.
(I am not a tall person. Just to clarify. 11 pounds is a lot on my frame.)
I kept convincing myself I was *just* over the healthy weight line. I mean, I was *barely* obsese! And my Wii Fit kept alternating between saying “That’s healthy!” and “That’s overweight!”
Until, you know, it wasn’t.
I looked at myself in the mirror this weekend.
And I am fat.
Not horribly fat.
But….there is a very large, very flabby section in my middle. VERY large. And VERY flabby. I have never experienced anything like this.
And now when I stop and actually look at my Wii Fit BMI range? I need to stop kidding myself. I’m not “just above” the “healthy” weight line. I’m halfway to obese.
This needs to stop.
Now if I can find some willpower….
One thing that is helping is my new Wii Zumba game!
Holy cats, this thing is AWESOME!
Does this NOT look fun?
I mean, OK, I don’t look like her when I do it, but that’s why I close all the blinds and make sure my hubby’s not home!
I LOVE dancing. Seriously. LOVE. Have wanted to ever since I was little, but it wasn’t “lady like” so that was nixed (also, what with SAnD it was probably nixed once and stuck with me so I never asked again).
Now as an adult I’m finding my ways.
Flash mobbing (5 so far!).
And now Zumba.
And I l-o-v-e the video game because of the feedback. Which is actually done well. I don’t have an X-Box (sad), so I have the belt that comes with the game and I just stick my Wii-mote in there. It works amazingly well. And I love that it is focusing on the movement of your core (what I care about) rather than your hands.
The workouts are hard. I am definitely sweating by the end! Heck, I’m sweating by the middle! And every water break I am guzzling it down.
But it’s fun. So I don’t mind! In fact, I keep pushing myself to work harder. They have these beautifully spaced goals, and you can see your progress towards them. The goal means nothing. You go to the next level. It doesn’t remember what level you reached. There is nothing special for getting there. But I am goal-oriented so I care.
And, being a lazy person, it helps that I don’t have to gather up enough will power to leave my house, just to stand up.
I need to get up off my butt more and play this game. I often don’t *want* to. It’s still in my head as “exercise.” But as soon as I get going I am smiling and sweating and having a blast!
And then when I sit right back down on my butt again, when my work out is over, I feel better.
I’ve looked at myself. How I am right now is not OK. There needs to be a change in weight and body shape.
This game f**king rocks.
So let’s see if I can use it to make some progress.
It’s time I give my butt a break and use my legs!