It gets better. Live to see it.

I have been there.

In bed, the middle of the night, my husband asleep beside me, unaware of the battle raging withing my mind and soul.

An almost-full bottle of sleeping pills mere inches away.

Lying awake. Contemplating the possibilities.

Feeling alone.

Unloved.

Unneeded.

Unseen.

Thinking how much easier things would be if I just didn’t have to go on existing.

My psychiatric service dog saved my life that night. I was so close to swallowing that bottle full of pills, and falling asleep never to wake up. And I likely would have “succeeded,” given the circumstances. As I came close to reaching out for the peace to be found in nothingness, it was my psychiatric service dog whose unconditional, never-ending love cut through the emptiness.

And now, more than two years later, my life is so much better.

I am loved.

I am needed.

I am seen.

And I am not alone.

I have a sweet, wonderful, supportive husband.

I have amazing friends who stay in contact with me from afar and who get together with me when they’re close.

I have a mommy who loves me no matter what.

And I still have my psychiatric service dog, still filling me with his unconditional love.

I have left the job which was draining so much of my energy, the energy I needed to stay on top of the depression.

I am studying to go into a career which I am passionate about.

I am hoping to have a child of my own soon.

It gets better.

I love my current life. And I am so glad I am here to live it.

I was loved, needed and seen on the night I almost took my life. But depression is an insidious disease, and it refuses to let your brain realize those things.

When depression has wrapped its coils around your mind, it can be impossible to see your worth.

To feel the love of others.

To see hope for the future.

But remember, and always keep in your mind for when you need it:

It gets better.

You have no responsibility to do anything except get. through. each. moment.

Keep on living. Keep on breathing. Survive.

You have to do that in order to see how much better it will get!

It gets better.

I promise.

And remember:

You are loved.

You are needed.

You are seen.

And you are not alone.

If nothing else, some stranger on the other side of the internet is thinking of you and loving you and sending you strength.

One moment on a time.

One breath at a time.

Keep on going.

It gets better.

I missed World Suicide Prevention Week, but figured this kind of message cannot be sent out enough.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for help. Seek medical attention immediately. Call the suicide prevention lifeline at (800) 273-TALK

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2 Comments

Filed under Invisible Illnesses, Life

2 responses to “It gets better. Live to see it.

  1. Beautifully written, so well said.

  2. This is absolutely beautiful and powerful.
    I love the line “depression wraps it’s coils”…it sure does. It males you think and believe things that aren’t true. It blinds you to all the wonderfulness around you. It’s a vicious disease.
    I am so glad that you rose above and are surviving.
    You are such an inspiration.
    Thank you for sharing your story ;)

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