Present

I am 39.5 weeks pregnant, and I have to say: I still love it. I love carrying and growing and nurturing this tiny life within me.

Sure, it’s painful. And awkward. And limiting. And uncomfortable. There are a lot of negatives.

And in many ways, I can’t wait for the next stage. When I was in first trimester I wanted to hit second so I would be less likely to lose her. Then I wanted to show more. And to feel her move. And to see her for the first time and learn she was a she. And to see how big my belly could get. And now to meet her. There’s always another next step right around the corner I’m looking forward to.

And yet, despite all of this, I was so aware that this pregnancy was temporary, and I cherished it and was present in each day of it.

I acknowledged the negatives, but didn’t let them drive away the joy of the positives (even if those positives were hard to find at the moment).

I looked forward to the next stage, but didn’t let that keep me from loving and living fully the present stage.

This is how I want to live my life. Conscious of the bad but focused on the good. Planning for the future while living in the present.

I don’t know why that balance is so much harder to find in life than in pregnancy. Maybe because I’m less aware of how temporary this life is.

But I do know I have lived this pregnancy the fullest I could. And as it comes to an end, while I will miss it greatly, I can also look back and say, I wouldn’t change how I lived any of it.

I hope that, at the end of my life, I can look back over my time on earth and say the same.

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